i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
