she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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