I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
