a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
