you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
