Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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