Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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