i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
