Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
