Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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