Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My penis needs a shock collar
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
