You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
