I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
