I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
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Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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