Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize