Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize