TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
