Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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