Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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