OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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