Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
