Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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