I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
