Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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