I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
