That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
