he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
