Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
