There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
