these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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