It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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