The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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