Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
