so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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