So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
