My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we're so committed to being not committed
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
