so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
