it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
