Screwed.edu
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
