i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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