***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
