been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
