I wish my penis had an off switch
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
