you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
