He disabled his match.com account in front of me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
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I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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