Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
