I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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