I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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