Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
