After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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