i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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