im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
