I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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