Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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