You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
