I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
