I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
