walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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