what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
