Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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