I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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