they need to just BURY HIM!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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