Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
