To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
