the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
