yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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