Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
