the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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