the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize