Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
