I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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