I feel like abortions should bother me more
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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