why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
