Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
