Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
