dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
