we're chasing vodka with high fives
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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