Moan for me like Helen Keller
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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