you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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