I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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