i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
is that a dick in a sweater?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
